Friday, 23 May 2014

TGIF people

Morning readers,
Well the mild cold which I received as a birthday gift decided to get serious as the week wore on and I've been knocked sideways a little. I've not had the energy (or inspiration) to hit my table of craftiness despite having un-inked rubber from my vacation/Birds in the Barn shopping/Birthday to play with.
Normally I even schedule the Friday Funny on Thursday .... in case I sleep in! but I've not even done that this week so, here I am, on Friday morning with no crafting to share, a snotty nose and looking through my e-mails for a suitable Friday Funny - here's hoping normal service will resume as soon as possible!!
The Friday Funny has been brought to you by, Liz, she's in the draw!! Hope you will find yourself smiling at one or more of the items below - ENJOY
Why I Like Retirement !

Question: How many days in a week? 
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday 

When is a retiree's bedtime? 
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. 

Question:How many retirees to change a light bulb? 
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. 
Question:What's the biggest gripe of retirees? 
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. 

Question:Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? 
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount. 
Question:Among retirees, what is considered formal attire? 
Answer: Tied shoes. 

Question:Why do retirees count pennies? 
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time. 
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? 
Answer: NUTS! 

Question:Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? 
Ans wer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question:What do retirees call a long lunch? 
Answer: Normal. 
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? 
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break. 

Question:What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. 
Question:Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth. 

And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week? 
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest. 


Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....

'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs
and have fun finding them.

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I
got my leotards on,

the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart
Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the

Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Always Remember This: 
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, 
You grow old because you stop laughing!

And, if you are in the mood for another giggle then Hettiecraft has a rather cheeky F.F., check out this link!!!

Have a good Friday and a fab weekend


Sue - said...

I think the last one is very true! Hope you feel better soon.

Debs M said...

Looking forward to retirement already! Great ff - glad to hear you are feeling a bit better x

SARN said...

Morning Oh Snotty One! Hope you feel better soon and can enjoy the weekend . . . oh wait . . . you have weekends all week . . . well enjoy your Sunday off anyway!

Had a chuckle at the Friday Funny thanks for sharing.

Air kisses (no hugs while you have a cold), Sarn xxx

Lauren Hatwell said...

LOL - Great Friday Funny this week. I love the one about hiding your own Easter Eggs...ROFL

Hope you're feeling better really soon matey.


Lesley Thomas said...

Hope you feel better soon Kathy, I'm just getting over a bug myself. I resent the lack of energy more than anything.

Love all the OAP jokes.

Viv said...

Oh poor Kathy I do hope you are feeling better soon.I am just getting over a virus too, no fun is it !Enjoyed the Friday funnies as usual...thank you :) hugs Viv xx

Hettie said...

Hello my lickle Snott Goblin! Sorry to hear you are ickey poorly baaad!
That is one birthday pressie I bet you didn't want!
Thanks for the giggles and your shout out!
Have a good damp weekend.

cheryl said...

Oh hun hope you feel better soon sweetie thanks for the laughs take care hun hugs cheryl xx