Friday, 11 July 2014

TGIF peeps!

Watch out, the weekend starts here!
 
What have you got lined up this weekend .... it's the surrogates 11th wedding anniversary this weekend and, some time over the weekend, we have to nip down there (with tools) and hubby will be putting up some shelves. It's true you know .... D-I-Y really has become A-Y-F (Ask Your Father) or in our case Ask Your Surrogate Father!!! Secretly, I think he likes being the "go to" guy! I've made a card and I hope we remember to take it with us, you know how that could be a mistake (forgetting it)!!
 
In the meantime, hubby's been taking full advantage of the lovely flying weather most afternoon's which has left me free to craft without guilt. An e-mail conversation with a crafting pal set me on the path to this card:-
 
 
 
Materials used:
  • C6 white, 300 gsm, scallop edged card and matching sized envelope
  • Snippet of turquoise card - though the colour is irrelevant because I covered it up right away!
  • Self adhesive metal tape, two strips, used to cover the card
  • I then ran the "faux" metal panel through my big shot inside a Tim Holtz embossing folder, to give texture
  • Distress Paint in black soot applied to the embossed panel, allowed to start to dry before buffing off with a dry cloth leaving blackened areas to "age" my panel (much less smelly than last weeks tarmac technique but, I have to say, neither so much fun nor so effective)
  • White card snippet which I coloured with Distress Inks: tea dye, crushed olive, iced spruce and black soot (an unusual colour combo for me)
  • I then flicked water over the panel, allowed  it to develop and then blotted with paper towel
  • Inkadinkado steampunk balloon image stamped on to distressed panel using Versafine onyx black ink
  • Paper Artsy "splatter" image stamped multiple times using Encore gold ink
  • Spray and shine sprayed over both of the panels, to seal (new to me as I've not used it before - anyone else?)
  • Black card for matting of both the image and embossing panels, border cut using the 1'16" edge of my perfect layering ruler ... when matting my image on to the textured panel I used Cosmic shimmer glue to the edge and then dimensional foam tape - to keep it level! Clever, or what?!?!?
 
You can see from the photo below that I have carried the design across to the inside of the card and also to the front and back of the envelope. The balloon image inside the card was done without re-inking, to make the image less stark and to allow any writing within the card to show better, rather than fighting with the image. I did however, use the 3/16" perfect layering ruler on the black matting layer for the insert ... I've left any sentiment off as it could be suited to a number of occasions from Happy Birthday to Bon Voyage!




How many of you are thinking of the Nimble bread advert from (MANY) years ago .... the song was "Up, Up and Away (in my beautiful balloon) by 5th Dimension .... I will be entering this make in an "inspired by a song" challenge over at 4 Crafty Chicks. I'm also entering this for an "Add texture" challenge over at ScrapbookerPhD - Wish me luck.

And now, it's the turn of the Friday Funny, this week brought to you by ScrappyJacky - thanks matey - to the rest of you .... close your mouths you're catching flies!!! Can you BELIEVE some of these?!?!?!
 
 
Simply amazing!    How would you like to be represented by one of these intellectuals?


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.



ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last, but by no means least:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.
 
Don't forget, if you're still craving funny's then head here and see what Hettie has up her  Friday sleeve!

And another don't forget ... today sees the start of a free summer workshop for mixed media enthusiasts .. see it here


Clare's mixed media workshop for the summer holiday!!


Have a fabulous Friday and a splendid weekend, whatever you have planned. Maybe see you tomorrow - well, it IS challenge day tomorrow so there should be crafting aplenty!

11 comments:

Lauren Hatwell said...

ROFL - BRILLIANT Friday Funny this week. I laughed like a drain all the way through...

Love your gorgeous balloon card too. I do remember that Nimble advert. If only we'd all realised the bread has exactly the same calories and just comes in smaller slices. Can you say duhhhhhhh!? ;oD

Jealous of your gorgeous weather. We have rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, RAIN.... Pah!

Lx

Katie Berberich said...

That's a brilliant card Kathy, and what a great stamp. A do like the more authentic look.
I'm glad your weather has been good, it's been raining here pretty much all week! Yuk!
Have a great evening, hope Steve does enjoy the D.I.Y.
Katie X

P.S Oh yes, big footie fans over here, but only the Big tournaments. The premiere league doesn't interest me at all. Much too much crafting to be getting done -lol!

serendipity said...

fab card, love the stamp, and you've really got me thinking about digging my metal tape.
jx

Clare Lloyd said...

Fab card kathy. Thanks for shout out of me time messages link. Have a good day, x

Lesley Thomas said...

Fantastic funny this week, but also how sad - How on earth did they get through exams and get the job? The mind boggles.

SARN said...

Fabulous card Kathy. Pushed for time so didn't read the FF. Will come back later!
xxx

catherine said...

Fabulous card Kathy. Great Friday Funny this week and you can just so imagine all that being said!! Lots of giggles there
x catherine

Hettie said...

Lovely card there Kathy. I like the FF. It was on mine a while ago!
Hugs
xx

Faith Wallace said...

Beautiful card. So much movement and texture. Love the idea behind it - and of course - the great FF. Thank you for sharing this at ScrapbookerPhD's texture challenge.

Lori said...

FAB card Kathy!! Thanks for joining us at 4 Crafty Chicks for our "Inspired by Song" challenge!

Debs M said...

Love that stamp ans great ff! x